Emilia Clarke is talking about the two times her life nearly ended on a surgeon’s table. The “Game of Thrones” star, 39, sat down with journalist Elizabeth Day on her “How to Fail” podcast to revisit the brain aneurysms she survived while filming the hit HBO series in 2011 and 2013.
GettyIt is one of the most personal conversations she has had about the experience, and she did not hold back.
Emilia Clarke Had Her First Brain Haemorrhage at the Gym While Filming ‘Game of Thrones’
The first one hit without warning. “I was in the gym doing a plank and had my first brain hemorrhage and then spent the next two weeks with my agent trying not to tell HBO until they knew I wouldn’t die,” Clarke told Day, as per US Sun.
Clarke returned to the “Game of Thrones” set and carried on as Daenerys Targaryen as if nothing had happened. She was not done fighting yet. Neither was the second aneurysm.
‘I Was Convinced I Had Cheated Death’: Emilia Clarke on Her Second Brain Aneurysm
The second diagnosis was worse. Doctors told Clarke the aneurysm had tripled in size. She went into surgery, and when she woke up, she was told it had not gone as planned. She needed another operation. Her head would have to be opened again.
What followed was not relief. It was something much harder to carry.
“The biggest thing that happened to me with the second brain hemorrhage was I shut down emotionally,” she said. “It became this thing where I just couldn’t look anyone in the eye.”
She found words for what that time felt like in a way that few people have managed to articulate.
“When you have a brain injury, you move around in the world, and for me, what happened after the first and specifically after the second, I was just convinced that I had cheated death and I was meant to die, and that every day that’s all I could think about,” Clarke said.
HBOSurvival did not feel like victory. “It was the opposite of ‘I survived. I feel great,'” she said. “It was this ‘I’m not meant to be here. This is going to come and get me.'”
Emilia Clarke on Living With Fear After Her Brain Surgeries
Clarke talked openly about how every headache since has carried a shadow of dread. She described what it is like to carry an invisible injury through a world that cannot see it.
“It just cuts you off from being able to engage with the outside world, because you’re walking around knowing that your body has failed you, your brain has failed you,” she said, per US Sun.
“This thing that you know to be where yourself, your perception of yourself lies, has failed you, and no one else can see it so you become very sensitive.”
She has previously said that part of her brain is “missing” as a result of the surgeries.
She has also shared photos of herself in the hospital during her recovery, pads attached to her skull, images she chose to release to show what the experience actually looked like.
Emilia Clarke’s Charity SameYou Is Helping Others Heal
Despite her personal and distressing ordeal, Clarke built something lasting.
She founded SameYou, a charity dedicated to raising money and awareness for people recovering from strokes and brain injuries. The work is personal. It always has been.
The full conversation is available on “How to Fail with Elizabeth Day” wherever you listen to podcasts.
