“American Idol” finalist David Archuleta recently opened up about choosing to live in his car after his time on the competition show.
He came in second during the seventh season of “American Idol,” then he released his hit single “Crush” in 2008, but in his deeply personal new book “Devout,” the singer reveals that he was homeless and living out of his car for a time at the “height of fame.”
His book explores his complicated feelings around identity, faith, and self-acceptance. In a comment on an Instagram post, Archuleta further explained that although he has “been out for several years now,” the point of sharing his story now is “to help people who were in the same place as me.”
He continued, “I still receive messages every week from people asking what I would recommend to come out in a safe way because it’s scary for a lot of people. I am releasing a memoir talking about my experience and how I did it coming from a very devout religious upbringing. I feel so much gusto for life, confidence, and determination and I’m elated to get to share and hopefully encourage others to get to that same place too! The book isn’t just about coming out. It’s about family dynamics, life transitions, being a teenager in the spotlight, and trying to learn not to be a people-pleaser.”
Archuleta Explains Why He ‘Chose Homelessness’
Getty“I didn’t feel like I deserved to take care of myself. So even though I was having a lot of success in the public, I was sleeping in my car a lot of times because that’s what I believed I deserved,” Archuleta told PEOPLE during an exclusive interview.
In “Devout,” Archuleta writes about feeling ashamed of his sexuality and unworthy because of beliefs instilled in him by the Mormon Church and his father, whom he claims was verbally and emotionally abusive.
“I felt like I had to portray myself a certain way for so long, and now I can finally say hey, just like I came out, I want to be able to give the whole story in the full picture, because it’s not always daisies and roses to get to where you are,” Archuleta explained in an interview with Variety. “And I felt like I had to present myself that way all my life. Especially as a Mormon and especially on ‘American Idol.’ I always have to be the sweet kid, always grateful for everything that was taking place, but I think a lot of people, especially the queer community who was watching, could relate because they could see the silent struggle that I was going through on a public level in front of millions of people and didn’t know how to process it all. That’s why I wanted a full picture.”
After “Ameican Idol,” Archuleta writes in his book that he was living with a relative in Los Angeles but decided to live in his car instead because he claims their relationship was unhealthy and codependent.
He could afford to stay at a hotel, but he “had concocted this belief that I didn’t deserve to treat myself well,” Archuleta writes. “It was an act of contrition — for my wicked thoughts, for allowing myself to be manipulated by so many. I was at the height of fame, and I chose homelessness. You can have everything, but worthiness comes from within, and I had none.”
Archuleta would sometimes stay with friends or occasionally sleep in his car in friends’ driveways, but he claims that a turning point in his life came when a police officer recognized him.
How Archuleta Moved Forward With His Life
GettyHe writes, “That experience did force me to acknowledge that living this way might have consequences beyond what I already knew. I could see the headline now: ‘American Idol Finalist Sleeps in His Car!'”
In the following years, Archuleta left the Mormon Church after coming out as bisexual and today, he is in a better place with his mental health.
“It’s nice to look back and be like, ‘I got through that in my very imperfect way of doing it, but I made it through it and I found a way to feel better about myself,'” he told the outlet. “And even if I wasn’t able to accept it at the time,” Archuleta explained that he could look back years later and say, “‘I worked as hard as I could.’ Even feeling miserable through all that and feeling ashamed to even be there, I worked as hard as I knew how to.”
Although his struggles with his sexuality nearly drove him to suicide, “I’m just grateful to be alive and to see what I can do with my life while I’m here. It really feels like starting again,” Archuleta concluded.
If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, dial 988 to reach the toll-free Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. It’s available 24 hours a day, seven days a week (dial 888-628-9454 for assistance in Spanish). You can also speak with a trained crisis counselor anytime by texting HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
