Drew Scott is adding a new line to his resume. The HGTV “Property Brothers” star took a stab at writing a funny piece for The Onion, riffing on his role as one half of a famous duo and poking a little fun at his brother, Jonathan.
Drew Scott Shares Identity Crisis in Hilarious ‘The Onion’ Article
On July 9, Drew’s piece titled “One Day I Woke Up and There Were Two of Me” was published on The Onion.
The satirical article kicked off with his recollection of being “encouraged to be myself” as a kid.
“I was taught that every person is different, and that our uniqueness is a great gift,” he wrote. “This firm sense of self served me well as I embarked upon a career as a real estate agent, home renovator, and TV personality. But my whole identity was challenged the morning I woke up and there were two of me.”
“That day changed the way I think about everything,” he explained.
Drew went on to explain that he woke up to find a man next to him, noting, “I could have been staring at a reflection of myself.”
“His hair was meticulously coiffed and his teeth artificially whitened, but something was a little off,” Drew wrote. “Maybe there was a certain hollowness about the eyes. I screamed in surprise and asked who he was. Then, to my shock, the man responded in what sounded like my own voice and called me brother.”
The “Property Brothers” star wrote that perhaps it was a dream. “But when I reached out to touch his face, he gave me a high-five and yelled, ‘Let’s go make some magic and finish this rehab!'”
“As we installed wainscoting that day, I started to realize just how similar we really were. This look-alike followed me around Home Depot like a shadow, and when we reached for the same box of panel board nails, we both let out the same forced laugh in perfect unison,” the HGTV star wrote. “It was totally surreal. I remember seeing his face playfully peek through a hole I had hammered into the drywall and thinking, for a half-second, that it was a mirror.”
He investigated the situation, asking his mother about this look-alike. “She claimed he had always been with me. That was impossible, though—I’d never met this man before in my life! She insisted I turn on the television and look for myself,” Drew noted.
He wrote, “I couldn’t believe my eyes. For years I’d hosted the HGTV series ‘Property Brother,’ but on my screen now was a show called ‘Property Brothers.’ As in plural. It was the same logo and everything, but with an ‘s’ at the end. There we were, my doppelgänger and I, side-by-side as we transformed fixer-uppers into dream homes. In episode after episode, we could be seen pulling pranks, ribbing each other, working to ensure each renovation was on time and on budget. Any viewer would assume, falsely, that these two men shared a deep bond.”
He continued, “Pretty soon I’m seeing me and my clone on billboards, on social media, in ads during hockey games. I watched the Daytime Emmys, and someone who was an absolute dead ringer for me was walking Zooey Deschanel down the red the carpet. I couldn’t escape it. Wherever I went, people asked me about my ‘twin.'”
Drew noted that he confronted Jonathan. “I walked into the kitchen where he was picking out tiles for a new backsplash, grabbed a putty knife, and held it to his throat. ‘Where did you come from?’ I yelled. With a wry smile on his face, he calmly instructed me to ‘take a deep breath’ and ‘trust the process.'”
He had a dark thought during that “ensuing madness,” but shared that when he was alone with Jonathan, the look-alike “stopped me cold with a dire warning: ‘If you kill me, you kill yourself.'”
“Since then, I’ve tried to make my peace with the knowledge that there are two of me in this world. It’s still startling to see his — our — face turning the corner of a hallway in a refurbished condo, but we’ve had fun sharing our wardrobes of slim-fit oxford shirts and well-pressed flannel button-downs,” Drew concluded.
“On occasion, I even answer to ‘Jonathan.’ But each morning I wake fearing there could be a third Property Brother out there. The whole experience has left me with one question I just can’t seem to shake: Who am I?”
Fans Weigh in on Drew Scott’s Hilarious Piece
“Property Brothers” fans weighed in with reactions about Drew’s article.
“The funny thing is that when I started reading, I thought it was written by Jonathan 😂,” one fan wrote.
Another joked, “Once you wake up from your nightmare, you will be more than fine 😂.”
“This is the apex of your career(s),” another fan noted.
“Hahaha … Being a twin, I can relate,” one person commented.
The Property Brothers Instagram account commented, “Awkward … “
“OMG! I absolutely love this! You and Jonathan have the sweetest bond, and at the same time it’s great to also see your individual personalities shine through,” another fan noted.
