Rachael Kirkconnell has shared new insights about her identity following her breakup with Matt James, revealing that she identifies with a specific sexual orientation.
The 29-year-old “The Bachelor” alum opened up about her personal discovery during an appearance on the “Extra Dirty” podcast with host Hallie Batchelder on Thursday, October 16.
During the conversation, Kirkconnell introduced the topic by asking Batchelder a question. “Have you heard of demisexuality? I think that’s what it’s called … demisexual. I don’t know if that’s the right term, but look it up for me,” she said.
Understanding Demisexuality
After Batchelder searched for the definition, she read it aloud to clarify the term. “Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where a person experiences sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond with another person.”
“I think that’s me,” Kirkconnell reflected.
Batchelder responded by suggesting that “everyone should be demisexual” because it “seems like a healthy thing to do.”
The podcast host then asked Kirkconnell whether she felt attraction to women as well. However, the reality television star expressed confusion about the distinction between demisexual and pansexual orientations. Pansexual refers to a sexual orientation where individuals are attracted to people of any gender, regardless of their sex or gender identity.
“I don’t think so. I don’t know. It’s all a spectrum isn’t it?” Kirkconnell responded when asked about attraction to women.
Kirkconnell clarified that while she remains uncertain about her gender preferences, she strongly relates to the demisexual concept of needing an emotional connection before physical intimacy.
“I just don’t think I could go home with anyone. I have to feel safe and comfortable with them and be emotionally invested at least in a way that I could see us dating or I at least have a crush on them … It’s not a physical attraction, I guess,” she explained.
Prioritizing Emotional Connection
The reality star elaborated on how she perceives attraction differently than others might. While she can recognize when someone is physically appealing, that recognition alone doesn’t create a deeper interest for her.
“I can say, ‘Wow, that person is really attractive.’ I obviously find them really attractive, I think they’re really hot, but I don’t care after that, cause they could still be like a terrible person or have the worst personality ever and that would make me not want to sleep with them because that totally turns me off,” she stated.
She continued: “I guess their attraction can only get so far for me. Maybe that’s my problem, I don’t know.”
Kirkconnell and James, 33, ended their four-year relationship earlier this year. The couple originally met during season 25 of “The Bachelor,” which aired in 2021.
James announced their separation via Instagram in January with a message written as a prayer. “Father God, give Rachael and I strength to mend our broken hearts. Give us peace about this decision to end our relationship that transcends worldly understanding. Shower our friends and family with kindness and love to comfort us. And remind us that our Joy comes from you, Lord 💔,” he wrote.
Shortly after the breakup became public, Kirkconnell shared her perspective on Alex Cooper’s “Call Her Daddy” podcast. She revealed that James posted the announcement just three hours after ending their relationship while they were vacationing in Tokyo.
“I think that I have come to the realization that a lot of it wasn’t me, or my fault or my problem. And I do think it helped that I had that conversation with him and I heard those things from him. But even if I hadn’t, I think that is so important to acknowledge it for yourself, like, ‘It wasn’t fully me. It wasn’t 1,000 percent completely my fault,'” Kirkconnell said at the time.
In February, James removed the breakup post from his Instagram account.
